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Facebook Pt. I: Two Necessary Additions

January 20, 2010


The Dislike Button:

“I got a haircut”-Joe Smith Likes This. “I’m tired of guys. All men should die” – Rosie O’Donnell Likes This. The “like this” button was an excellent addition to the Facebook quiver. Allowing users to give subtle,non-intrusive message of support, the “like button” quickly became a fan favorite. However, an alternate expression was not offered, and to this date, has not been offered by Facebook. Opting for the “Thumper Rule,” (something I’ve disregarded my entire life), Facebook has forced its’ users without something nice to say to resort to the loathed “comment” option, while allowing supporters to just click one button and get a nifty “thumb’s up”. Where would our society be if we only had one option and that option is unconditional support? What if there was no left instead of right? North instead of South? THE PEOPLE MUST HAVE CHOICE. If you put up some teary travesty on your status and I want to tell you I don’t support your heaping emotional baggage onto my news feed like it’s a one way flight, I should have the right to express my discontent. “Well, then just don’t click the like button.” I don’t want to be ambivalent. I don’t want you to wonder. I want you to know that, in fact, have none of my support, whatsoever. Maybe I didn’t think you should get your hair cut. Maybe I like it long. Maybe I am a man, and don’t  appreciate your desire for the genocide of my race. Maybe I’m not interested in your thoughts on healthcare, the news, or whatever cause you’re pandering this week. Maybe you shouldn’t have dropped your phone in the toilet like an asshole, then asked for everyone’s number on Facebook. The absence of a “dislike button” is a flagrant slight to pessimists and detractors across the Facebook realm, and it’s time we take a stand for cynicism.

The “Don’t F***ing Invite Me” Option:

Maybe you’re anti-social and you’re tired of a social networking site instigating social interaction. Maybe you just don’t feel like getting invited by someone in particular. Or maybe you have a former classmate who is an event promoter and sponsors multiple events each week, all of which you are invited to and none of which you are interested in. Maybe, after a few “Maybe Attending”s and a sentiment of good-will, the invites kept coming, and coming. Then more came. Then you de-friended him. Then he re-friended you and you felt guilty. Then he invited you to more goddamn parties at places you’ve never heard of and wouldn’t go to with an M-16 and a full suit of body armor. Sometimes, folks just can’t take a hint. Some people have success with ignoring people. Others give a kind, but firm “No, Thanks.” I’ve always found that a “F*** off” and an aggressive invasion of someone’s personal space is the most effective way to deal with the Helen Kellers of body-language and context clues. Did you think I wasn’t  getting the invitations? Maybe I wanted to come but forgot, for the 178th time? Let me do my best Billy Mays voice: “Are irritating Facebook friends giving you anxiety? Are you at a loss for words? When “No, Thanks” doesn’t work, there’s DON’T F***ING INVITE ME, jerk.” I’m never coming. Seriously. Stop.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. yea yea yea permalink
    January 25, 2010 12:43 am

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